Mission Monthly – June 2000
“If, therefore, we desire to be free and to enjoy perfect freedom, let us learn to cut off our desires and so, with God’s help, in a little while, we shall make progress and arrive at a state of tranquility. For nothing helps men so much as to cut off self-will, for thereby a man prepares the way for nearly all the virtues.”
Dorotheos of Gaza
Why am I so drawn to the lives of those “holy ones” who knew this “perfect freedom” while still preferring more often to wallow in the mire of my own passionate nature? When that “something missing” in my life beckons, as it so often does, it is hard to deny the inner longing to be delivered from this “body of death” (Romans 7:24).
What is it about our fallen nature that struggles to desire Godly freedom but often prefers the depths of darkness and captivity (cf. John 3:19-20)? St. John Chrysostom asks, “But when there is also [consequences for our sin,] what can be more miserable than those who go after it?” I have to believe that this struggle is precisely what all men face from the earliest moments of awakening consciousness: the struggle with self-will. It is no surprise that St. Theophan the Recluse’s advice to parents on the raising of children has this important and determined beginning: “A child left to himself becomes untamable and self-willed. Therefore, parents must strictly watch this sprout of the devil’s activity.” Parents must first make their own faith and repentance their priority, becoming true examples of love and obedience, and then they must undauntedly attend to the self-will of their children.
We must be at least partly convinced, if not fully convicted, of the danger in being self-willed. We must recognize, either through direct confrontation or through self-examination, the pain and hurtful consequences caused by our self-willed tendencies and actions. We must at least try to express love, extend forgiveness, endure suffering, or practice self-denial to know just how difficult it is not to be self-willed. If you have not recognized willfulness within yourself, or if you have and you desire an even clearer view of this struggle, here is a practical exercise: next time you have the opportunity to give up something or deny yourself something, no matter how small, do it! In fact, the smaller the better. Even the smallest of desires can bind us to the world without our realizing it!
It is no surprise that the first place we should begin is with our stomachs. After all, it was the lack of self-control of the stomach that led to the devil’s victory over Adam in paradise. This central theme of fasting is emphasized again and again in patristic wisdom; unless you control the stomach you cannot control anything in your life. My challenge would be as simple as this: next time you feel like a candy bar (or whatever your “secret” weakness is) say “No!” to yourself. Another challenge would be to not enter into gossip or not be curious about other people’s business. A man who denies himself in such ways, little by little, will develop habits that eventually allow him, with less and less difficulty, the ability to deny even greater things such as anger, judgmentalism or despair. The purpose of this discipline is to open ourselves up to the grace of God and improve our recognition of non-essential desires; then, maybe, if we should ever become indifferent to sinful promptings and become able to “cut off” our own will, we may be able, even when we don’t “feel like it,” to be kind, patient, selfless, free of judgments, humble and loving. It is easy to see how we cannot be virtuous when we are willful.
As the hymns of Pascha fade into the season of Pentecost, “Christ is Risen!” must remain strong in our hearts, proclaiming with our lives our faith in the Risen Lord and our desire for growth and progress in virtue.