Mission Monthly – May 2001
“I remember in the days of my youth when, walking to church in the golden morning light, there was a breakthrough, a touch with a mysterious bliss. And all my life, deep down, has been a search for this contact, this bliss. To feel it again! The rest is all relative, forced labor.”
Fr. Alexander Schmemann—Great Lent
What is it that drives a man to believe in the divinity of a condemned, crucified criminal whose followers claim rose from the dead? What is it that drives a man to believe in a despised “blasphemer” who asks one thing of those who follow him, to die with him? What is it that convicts a man to be labeled by the world a fool, a sheep, a thief of man’s “natural” freedom? Every “rational” creature must answer for himself these difficult questions which have been asked of Christians since Judas’ betrayal, Peter’s denial and Saul’s (St. Paul) overseeing of the stoning of the first martyr Stephen. Judas despaired and took his own life. St. Peter wept bitterly and was forgiven, accepting the command of the risen Christ to “follow me.” St. Paul was knocked off his (high) horse and given his own personal encounter with the risen Christ, consequently giving his life to the spreading of the Gospel to the Gentiles throughout the entire Roman empire.
Judas didn’t understand and hung himself. The Apostles and countless Christians since did understand and gave their lives for Christ. What is it that drives one to such conviction? Such joy? Such freedom?
Here we are given a glimpse into what inspired Fr. Alexander to give his life to serving the Lord. This “mysterious bliss,” this taste of grace, this touch of the soul by the seal of the gift of the Holy Spirit, this scent of the sweetness of God’s kingdom, this sound of Truth resonating in God’s Holy Word and this sight of its revelation lived out in the life of God’s Holy Church. Fr. Alexander was moved by the ONLY true power which can lift a man above the anchors of his flesh and place him where the Creator of all imbues into a man the true meaning of life, in stark contrast to the tragic and petty realities of the fallen nature.
One does not cause or predict an event of “mysterious bliss.” It is given when and to whom God wills. It is truly an inspiration when received, or when seen in the heart of another. It is no guarantee of salvation. It is not something to be proud of or to see as deserved. It is something to be desired and, more succinctly, something we must and can only pursue through our obedience to the life of Christ in the Church. [This I believe is what Fr. Alexander could have meant by “forced labor.” Whether it be the routine demands of our life in the Church, our families, our jobs, our homes, our prayers, etc., the sometimes arduous vigilance of our Christianity which covers all, for whatever reason, can be hard to sustain. Sometimes our obedience has to be sought simply by force of will.] I cannot imagine, however, Fr. Alexander’s search for this “contact” as being hidden “deep down.” How could it be for anyone who has know this gift? Even when our lives seem dry and challenged (spiritual and otherwise) or similarly the “institutional” life of the Church, there should be an ever-present and even visible longing for this contact.
I am thankful to hear of young Fr. Alexander’s “breakthrough” and to recognize its sameness to that of the Apostles and saints throughout the centuries. I am thankful for my own blissful moments which ignited my Christian journey and my path to the priesthood. In this time of Pascha may we all experience or recall a blissful, breakthrough moment to comfort us and inspire in each of us an inner longing and labor in search of the fulfilled promise of unending joy in the risen Christ. Beloved, Christ is risen!