Mission Monthly – July 1998
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
Prior to my trip to the 1998 Midwest Parish Life Conference I had been working on another meditation for this month's Newsletter, but being so moved by the talks and sermons given by Metropolitan PHILIP, the priests, as well as the teenagers competing in the Oratorical Festival on the above theme, I feel it important to share some of the thoughts conveyed on this critical issue facing our Church.
One of the most hopeful and common threads woven through all the talks was that both the clergy and the teenagers openly admitted that the raising of children in our modern, post-Christian era has taken on difficulties uniquely unparalleled in human history. The ideologies of materialism, civil rights and personal freedom combined with the attitudes which drive the forces of public education, media, politics and the job and market place have sought to and have (in many cases) successfully undermined the family, parental authority, morality, ethics and, most tragically, faith in God.
The Metropolitan strongly urged parents not to be afraid to discipline their children when necessary, though not with the heavy hand of authority but rather the confident consistency of God's Word through clear boundaries and consequences. This theme was not only echoed by the priests in their sermons but also seemingly longed for by the very teenagers to whom this discipline would be directed (a point which surprised even me!). In an era when children are being taught at younger and younger ages to be self-important, self-reliant and self-determined, to hear them not only admonish their own generation for not being faithful to Christ but to insist that their parents truly guide them towards responsible behavior and decision making and not be afraid to discipline when bad choices are made, was truly refreshing and hopeful!
Joe Paterno, the nationally respected head coach of the Penn State University football team, in a conversation with one of our priests, suggested that the role of the priest and that of coach are not so different. He stated that his players love the game so much that they train 3 to 4 hours a day… year round. It is not, and cannot be, just a Saturday afternoon commitment. His job is to guide their training so that each member of the team is ideally equipped and ready to play. Sadly, this priest had to respond that only a handful of his people came to him seeking guidance for daily spiritual work. We must ask ourselves, “How much do I love God? How much time do I give on a daily basis to train myself spiritually?” And for parents, “Am I truly seeking love and zeal for God in myself AND in my children?”
In his writings on family, St. Theophan the Recluse states (paraphrase), “If you want to raise truly Christian children (not in name only) then parents need to be truly Christian themselves.” It sounds simple, doesn't it? As we know, however, living the Orthodox Christian life is not a simple effort. It can be when we are able, by God's grace, to make it our primary and unyielding focus in life, but generally we ALL fight against this involuntarily and sometimes voluntarily. Any parent will tell you of the perceptiveness of children. Our children know when we are and are not sincere. If one were to look at Life in Christ as in steps towards salvation, the step of prayer would certainly have to be among the first (if not the first!). The questions, “When do we begin praying for our children and how do we teach them to pray?” compel us to conclude that preparing ourselves at the earliest possible moment is the only answer. The earlier and more established one is in his life of prayer and faith in Jesus Christ, the stronger EXAMPLE he will be to his children! If you are single and desire marriage, begin today praying that God will prepare you and your eventual spouse (even if unknown) for true Christian life and marriage. If you are married and are still awaiting children, begin today praying that God will give you true desire and courage to build your own life on the Rock of faith that you might build your children's lives on the same. If you already have children and haven't already begun, start today offering to God your very life and the lives of your children.
It is rare to see a modern parent not frustrated with child rearing and for some reason the causes seem to allude us. I am convinced that the combination of career goals, the social appearances of “success” and our blind trust in public education has all but exhausted our society's moral defenses and our ability to be free of the chains of materialism and reason. Is there any rationale that our children should be any different than we are? This is in no way meant to criticize. I myself am subject to the same temptations of selfishness and convenience. As “Baby-boomers”, “the Me-generation” and “Generation Xers”, we all have been deceived by a subtle, though deep, deception that has greatly inhibited our ability to discern and yearn for true faith, love, discipline and prayer.
Ours is a great and rich heritage received in and through the Church! The questions we must ask ourselves are, “What type of legacy will we leave behind? Have we as adults entered into the unseen warfare with the fallen world or have we cooperated with it? Do we challenge our children with faith and moral conviction or do we teach them that possessions and goals are more important than our consciences and souls?” Make no mistake, we will be judged for our legacy! Only thank God for repentance, for hope, for suffering, for victory and for our Life in Christ into which we can trust our lives and the lives of our children.