“…what really is so terrible about ‘belonging’ to someone who loves you?”

Wendy Shalit, A Return to Modesty

This meditation is dedicated to the memory of the newly departed Archimandrite Fr. John Namie. Fr. John was the first Director of the Antiochian Village Youth Camp; and though a self-proclaimed “camping illiterate” his literacy of love nurtured countless young souls for Christ and quenched the thirst of many (of all ages) parched in the spiritual desert of a world drained of the waters of life.

One of the most impressive gifts of Fr. John’s character was his ability to make decisions. He never seemed to waver even in the most difficult of circumstances, especially when facing one of life’s most painful challenges—a chronic erosion of physical health (which agonizingly stripped this man of his vocation in the active priesthood). Spiritually, however, he remained a giant, never wavering in his love and faith in God, and in thankfulness no matter how heavy a cross he was asked to bear.

In my life Fr. John became, as we will soon hear liturgically in the troparion of St. Nicholas (Dec. 6), “a canon [or standard] of faith” (I wish I would’ve taken the chance to tell him). He is one of a few men whose discernment I would seek and whose words I would trust as being void of self-interest or importance. If it is true that God never allows a man to be tempted beyond his strength then I am not surprised at the authority with which Fr. John manfully bore his cross. He faced the spiritual warfare of his life with the patience of Job, the patristic discipline of Chrysostom and the courage of any of the great martyrs. He probably would be angry with me for these “empty words of praise,” but I write them with love and to the glory which Fr. John brought to God in his life. The Church on earth will miss him. The brotherhood of priests will miss him. I will miss him. May his memory be eternal!

If I were asked what was the “cause” of Fr. John’s strength I would have to answer, the grace of God and his obedience to Christ and to his bishop. More than anything Fr. John was a man who knew his place and knew his name. He was not like the man in James 1:24. When Fr. John turned away from the mirror he never forgot “what he was like.” Most importantly, Fr. John knew that he belonged to something greater than himself. He was once quoted as saying,“Christianity is really life and life is living it with people; and when you do share with people you learn to give of yourself. I don’t know anybody who can fulfill themselves unless they go outside of themselves; because if you’re always looking to fulfill yourself and satisfy your own needs obviously you’ll never do that. But if you’re looking to live and you live for others, your life then really has meaning.”This is so typical of the constant theme of Fr. John’s life and preaching. In comparison to some ways of “modern” thinking Fr. John would be considered a dinosaur. He was not a “free-thinker” and yet his mind and heart discerned a great depth of God’s Wisdom. He was not ambitious for leisure and luxury, or for the freedoms afforded through security in the world, and so he was free from the constraints and consequences of a rebellious and selfish heart.

I would receive e-mails from Fr. John from time to time. He continued to show a sense of spiritual urgency for his children in Christ. Like Fr. John, I believe the crossroads at which we stand today is particularly critical and solemn (and not just because of the times). While man in his pride still does not want to give up the reins of self-direction we as Christians have to face the simple truth St. Paul tried to get through to the Church at Corinth, “You are not your own” (1 Cor. 6:19). What is really so terrible about “belonging” to someone who loves you? God and His Church? Against all “enlightened” thought, scientific reason and simple selfishness Fr. John knew the answer to this question; in fact, he chose it, he lived it and he was blessed!

“A child who has the experience of being ‘loved into existence’ is secure about the goodness of life, and of his own life in particular. Surrounded by loving relationships, he can take for granted that he is glad to be alive. This is the surest basis for confidence in God as loving Father and Creator.”

Sister Magdalen

I am forty-one years old and only on the front end of my life as a parent. Our first child is quickly approaching the age of one. The front end, however, doesn’t lessen the fact that it is still the “front line” of human development. I am fully engaged in this struggle and often I feel unworthy to be responsible for the life of an innocent child who looks to his mother and me for virtually everything. We are responsible to love him and to teach him how to love, to provide for his basic needs, and to establish and nurture his Christian faith and salvation.

In particular it seems that the distracted and sensually overloaded world we are living in causes tragic and unnecessary difficulties to the process of raising Godly, thankful and secure children. This is shown in current medical and psychological statistics which reveal growing trends of negative health problems being experienced especially by our children. Two of the most significant health concerns are depression and obesity.

The causes of these concerns undoubtedly are many and much too complex to examine in a short meditation. I am certain, however, that we can explore the hopeful actions of prevention as we affirm our desires to give our children the most important gift of all, the true sense of God’s gift of life and a true sense of thankfulness which always precedes a healthy spiritual, emotional and physical life.

One of the most significant conflicts I see in the responsibility of caring for a child is the issue of time. I remember many times as a kid my parents lamenting saying, “People just don’t visit or make time for each other anymore.” My mother’s greatest lament was the television which, looking back, probably was a great source of distraction in my house. We certainly were not the only ones. Society was in the midst of a major change exemplified in the lost, simple art of dinner conversation being smothered by the prime-time rush to “Must See TV.” Even more disturbing, however, is the growing silence and alienation in human interaction that has resulted from the “enlightened advancements” of material pursuits, career potentials, technological toys, and multi-media entertainment and marketing. The absorbing nature of self interest, what ever it might be, often can and does leave little time for the real loving action of giving oneself to the real needs of those we love.

It is upsetting to see someone held captive by insecurity and resentment resulting from the imperfect love and the disaffirmation of our fallen selves. It takes great effort to be consistent in our love and true in our giving. As I think about my son and what I hope for him as a boy and eventually as a man I can only hope that my own selfishness does not interfere with

the communication of our love and thankfulness for each other. As I think about my relationship with my wife, my family, my Christian family, my friendships, my co-workers or with any person God may bring into my life on a day to day basis, I hope and pray that I am willing and able to do the same.

I have wonderful parents. They were abundant in their love and firm in their discipline. I believe that it was from them that I received a more stable sense of myself, certainly enough of a sense to work at giving it away again to God as He forms me as a man and as His child. I don’t know if my parents ever thought in terms of showing their children that they were “loved into existence.” Thankfully, t’s exactly how I feel! Can you imagine how well our children would grow if we as parents could actually communicate this depth of love? Can you imagine how our world would be if we could do that for each other?

“For Godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation and brings no regret, but worldly grief produces death.”

2 Corinthians 7:10

A nation grieves. What does this mean? We can barely understand the grief of a single individual who has suffered a loss, we can only imagine the collective pain of millions.

We are forced to face this issue for reasons beyond the simple fact that violence and evil have, in a single moment, torn apart lives, shaken economies and most certainly affected the course of history. The terror of September 11, 2001 and the unknown terror which may follow will be felt and talked about for weeks, months and even years to come. As a nation, our sense of security has been breached. As a people our way of life has been threatened. As a government our policies have been accused. This is not new to human civilization. Empires have risen and fallen throughout the course of history as the ambitious or the angry defy the powers of the day.

The question is, how we are going to respond. For those closest to “ground zero” together with the families and friends of those who have died, the pain, anger and fear is the most severe and acute. For those of us who witnessed the unfolding of events on television I have heard anger, disbelief and numbness. The truth is, however, most of us in our shock do not know how to respond. Many who lived through the horrors of the second world war are no longer with us. The generations who have lived through the “police actions” of the more recent past, with the exceptions of those brave men and women who held the post of our nation’s military combat, have only known war through the antiseptic filters of mass media. The pain and suffering which always happened “over there” is now happening here and now we are mourning our dead, comforting the injured, and grieving for the remnants of “Camelot” incinerated by the airborne impact of winged molotov cocktails.

It is this latter grief that concerns me the most. My conscience is unsettled as I mourn from a great distance the dead and injured, and grieve the potential harm done to our very way of life. St. John Chrysostom wrote, “The proper time for grief is not when we suffer from misfortunes that befall us, but when we do evil things. However, we have reversed this order and changed the proper times. We are not sorry in the least when we commit a multitude of evils. When, however, we experience even a slight mishap, we seek, are stunned, grieve and even come to the point of wishing to get rid of our very lives.”

I do not stand in accusation of anyone other than myself. I was sadly and deeply moved while witnessing on television the unbelievable events of that day. I confess, however, to also thinking, “Oh God, gas will be going up to $5.00 a gallon; and it’s going to happen to the way of life I’m accustomed to living?” I pray these temptations pass quickly as I attempt to pursue the fruits of Godly grief.

We are now forced to respond to those who despise our freedom, our wealth, our interests. But I do not want to respond with the character of worldly grief. The rhetoric of revenge is embarrassingly unbecoming to a God-fearing nation and the defense of our freedom cannot be sought without considering the greater scope of justice before seeking reparation from the perpetrators of such vicious and senseless destruction. Somehow we must believe that God’s providence has allowed this pain for our salvation, and though we have every right to defend ourselves it cannot be done out of regret for our losses or the fear of losing a way of life that has afforded us extreme affluence and opportunity. First we must seek repentance in order that we may respond out of humility and, again, justice for all. If we respond simply out of anger and passion because our worldly freedom and comforts have been threatened, then we are no better than our attackers and our worldly grief, as promised in Holy Scripture, can and will only lead to further senseless death and destruction.

“Mirrors are everywhere, nobody ignores them. Toddlers play peekaboo with themselves, teenagers probe for blemishes or incessantly comb their hair, the middle-aged measure their stomach overflow or search for gray hair and wrinkles. All these [and more] are reflected dutifully and clearly in the [modern] mirror… Precisely because we see ourselves so well, we fail to look harder at our true image. The surface reflection is only skin deep… our inner self lies deeper than what appears to our sight.”

Fr. Vladimir Berzonsky

Those of us who remember Saturday Night Live in its early days may recall comedian Billy Crystal’s imitation of Fernando Lamas, It’s better to look good than to feel good.” For years tennis superstar Andre Agassi has promoted the Canon “Sure Shot” camera with the slogan, “Image is Everything.” This often is the world we live in: superficial and shallow. The sad truth is that many people, even Christians, not only seem content in superficiality, but often prefer it. It’s much less demanding and it allows one to escape the intimate intensity of facing the true nature of his inner-self and that of others, which can be overwhelming and painful.

This is not new to man’s experience. Further I would argue that this problem has grown exponentially in our industrial age, the movement of populations to large urban settings, the introduction of mass marketing solely for the purpose of selling a product and the rapid technological advances in communication and entertainment mediums. Isn’t it also interesting, as in our example, how advancement in mirror technology from highly polished pieces of metal to precise, multi-purpose tools, in some ways, has paralleled the diminished willingness and ability of a man to examine the inner character of his “true image.”

The struggle with identity and self-worth is compounded by a perceived and relentless social pressure to at least give the appearance of success, be it financial, material, emotional, even spiritual. This pressure entraps us with “appearances” of freedom from “common” constraints, thereby having the ability to think freely, move freely, purchase freely, travel freely, speak freely, and finally to be free from the restraints of any of life’s God-given and natural limitations. The most violent aspect of this very real spiritual struggle is when a man places his value and identity in the custody of frail and malignant images. When a man falls prey to such deception (the idolatry of identifying himself apart from his real inner self) any healing will require a deep and painful road of repentance.

What are we to do to battle this grave temptation? First of all, with all hope in God, we must simply and obediently strive to faithfully live the life of His Holy Church. The life of liturgy and prayer, fasting and sacrament, virtue and sacrifice, stewardship and community. By His grace, it is only through this that we can attune our hearts to silence, peace and the very real presence of the Kingdom of God “in our midst” (Luke 17:21). Secondly we must be willing to stand directly and firmly against the false images of life presented to us in “popular” opinion and culture. Life is not the temptation to financial prosperity found on Wall Street. It is not the false presentation of beauty jammed down our throats by Madison Avenue. It is not the easy solution to life’s problems found in a thirty minute sit-com. It is not the high drama of romance, fantasy or action and adventure as presented by Hollywood. It is certainly not the unrestricted and base sexual images presented to us in advertising, pop music, MTV, much of television and movies, and most tragically in pornography. Yet all these images (and more) so very often become that to which a man measures his identity and self-worth.

As Christians we of course reject ALL of this and hopefully seek to find ourselves only in the mirror of the face of Christ. It takes great grace, faith and love to fight our superficial tendencies. How thankful must we be that WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!

“As one who was once in darkness suddenly sees the sun and is illumined in the vision of his body, seeing what he had not seen clearly before, so one found worthy by the Holy Spirit is illumined in soul and sees what [the eye] cannot see.”

St. Cyril of Jerusalem

Someone once asked me, “Do you want to know the truth?” Normally I would have responded sarcastically, “No, tell me a lie!” For some reason, this time, I stopped dead in my tracks and thought to myself, “Wow! That’s a loaded question!” The conversation carried and but that question has never left me.

It takes courage to face the truth. Its consequences are challenging. The consequences of lying, however, are much worse. They are compounded by the fear of discovery. In the days of our Lord there was an epidemic of deceit. The consequences were grave as “the true light that enlightens every man” (John 1:9) confronted and conquered the darkness of the fallen world. The voluntary suffering of the Incarnate One restored in man and all of creation immortal life and freedom from the enslavements of the fallen nature. This month we celebrate the annual feast of the Transfiguration of our Lord. This great and holy feast is one of splendid joy as we receive the vision and revelation of the divinity of Christ. It is also a feast of tremendous consequence as we face the Truth and its implication for our lives.

When one thinks of transfiguration it is often seen as a change in something from one form to another (as if that which has changed has become completely different from what it was before, like a stone turning into a loaf of bread). This is incorrect. In the transfiguration Jesus did not all of a sudden become divine as though He was not before. Rather His divinity, having been concealed from the unprepared hearts of men, was now being revealed for the purpose of preparing His disciples for “His departure, which He was to accomplish at Jerusalem” (Luke 9:31).

Jesus was transfigured in a moment of time as only the only Sinless One could be. We are called to the same process of transfiguration to become what we already are “partakers of divine nature” (2 Peter 1:4), though because of sin it is a lifelong process. This process requires many things, three of which are an absolute desire to put heavenly things above earthly things, the willingness to be told the truth about God and ourselves, and the conviction to submit to the disciplines of faith which are the only things that can lead to our salvation and to the uncovering of our real selves.

Are we happy to be “partakers of divine nature?” This question is as haunting to me as “Do you want to know the truth?”. The consequences of this truth are daunting as we face the truth of who we are, human beings created in the image of God. This literally strips away from us all excuse for not fulfilling the responsibilities of our divine calling. The beautiful things of this life, our families and friendships, homes and jobs, educations and activities can help us in our own transfiguration but only if we transfigure them as offerings to the glory of God. If these things become idols and ends unto themselves, however, we risk hearing the dire words of Jesus, “He who loves father or mother [son or daughter] more than me is not worthy of me” (Matthew 10:37).

We have to really believe in and seek the joy of a transfigured life. Yes, the living work (liturgy) of God’s Church requires much sacrifice. But if we are willing to be told the truth and follow it, the illumination of our souls and the ensuing transfiguration will take us beyond the boundaries of a life absorbed and enslaved to material and fleshly pursuits. This is glory to God. This is our salvation. This is the truth of becoming who we are, kings and stewards of creation who joyfully offer our very lives as recipients and ministers of the legacy of the Kingdom of God.